When we speak about herds or tribes of people…you hear others say things like “You should limit the time you spend with people that don’t serve you or have different beliefs.”
This is the worst advice ever.
Does anyone really love it when someone sits down with them and goes “RIGHT, I’M GOING TO CHANGE YOU!”? Who loves that? No one!
I actually find it mildly concerning – even deeply unsettling when you have other people around you who are trying to change you. They go “WOW, I’m going to start changing myself!” And then, at the beginning of their transformation or journey – they start to look at everyone around them and think “Right, I’m going to take you all with me!”
This is where a lot of issues come from. When people do this as they are trying to change people around them, they often create more issues than they solve. This is the most common issue that most (or all) relationships face.
Imagine how rewarding and incredibly refreshing it would be if you surrounded yourself with groups of people who accept you for who you really are – faults and all.
When we’re in situations where we are surrounding ourselves by people who actually support and care for us – we will find it organically drives us to be better people.
One of the things that I’ve discovered is the more accepting you are of others for who they are the more they naturally change on their own without any overall huge levels of intervention.
Sometimes the best way to help people is by leading, showing them an example. And constantly throwing lines backward. Lines that they can grab onto while you keep moving forward.
Don’t try and pull people to the way you think they should go.
They won’t change and you’ll get tired, maybe even pick up some animosity towards them. Because you’re forcing it. And you can’t force change. You can’t force recovery. They’ve gotta be ready.
If you want to change someone
- Accept them
- Love them
- Inspire them
- Support them
Become the example. Lead the way. And you’ll find all of your relationships will start to improve and become more rewarding for everyone.